2011

somehow

i expected 2011 to be a better year

but it seems to be the same as last year

full of disappointments.

笑我笨

是不是爱得越深

就会伤得越痛？

尽管

笑我笨吧。

i wanted to ask you

'would you risk your life to save me?'

but then,

i remembered what your answer was

when i  asked you if you would sacrifice everything for me

and i think i already have my answer.

200th post

and it had to be a sad one

again.

the silence you don't hear

you dont know what it feels like living alone in a house and hearing nothing but silence..til a point where noises are the things that freak you out.

you dont know what it feels like having to juggle your school work, housework and still have to please everyone even though you live alone.

you dont know what it feels like to hear your own echoes in your house because you're the only living thing in it.

you dont know how many nerves breakdowns i need at night so that i can out that smile back on my face the next morning.

you dont know what it feels like to wake up every morning seeing nothing but these four creepy white walls staring at you.

you dont know what it feels like to step outside everyday knowing your not where you want to be

you dont know what it feels like to have everyone crowding around you only to realize how lonely you actually are.

you dont know what it feels like to go through facebook everyday only to find yourself crying because you're lost

you dont know what it feels like having no where to run to for shelter

you dont know what it feels like to see everyone having fun without your presence

you dont know what it feels like to find out how insignificant and small you actually are to others

you dont know what it feels like to be lost and scared beyond compare

you dont know what it feels like to be here with your heart somewhere so far away

you dont know what it feels like to find that people you trust betray you

you dont know what it feels like have the freedom but no where to go

you dont know what it feels like to have dreams of people killing you but no one will save you

you dont know what it feels like to have your heart aching so bad you want to just rip it out of your chest.

you dont know what it feels like to flood your house with tears

you dont know what it feels like to have your heart shattered to a million pieces just after you've fixed it back

you dont know what it feels like to have to stick to people you dont trust because they trust you

you dont know what it feels like to watch someone you believed in lie to you

you dont know what it feels like wanting to hurt someone back so badly but you know you just cant do it

you dont know what it feels like to have on one understand your pain

i've always had this concept in mind when meeting new people - 心本善

but i always get my heart shattered again and again

i'm so disappointed

sometimes i think it would be better off

if i was seriously ill

at least i will get to feel everyone's sincere care

before i leave

right now i feel so lost and alone

it seems that there is no where i belong

and no were i can seek comfort from

多的是，你不知道的事

i wana blast my music in my ear so loud

that i go deaf

then all i would hear is silence

and i wouldn't have to listen to all the nasty things out there

but then

i realized

i would never get to hear your sweet voice again

can things get any better than this?

i live such a pathetic life

*sigh*

all of a sudden

i realize how lonely i actually am

im drenched

tonight

i broke down and cried my eyeballs out

peace

all i need now is

a blanket, a quite roof, a dark sky full of stars

and

a whole bunch of tears.

the story of One and Two

One tells Two that Two comes first

But Two knows Two is not first

One thinks One knows Two’s pain

But One does not know

One might be bad at words

But One doesn’t use actions

One thinks Two is flawless

But Two is not

One thinks One knows

But One doesn’t

One doest not fear

But Two fears for One

Two is hurt

Two is frazzled

Two is upset

Two is disappointed

Two needs assurance

Two cries

But Ones does not know

One should continue to think that what One thinks is right

For

Two does not want to have high hopes

Only to realize that

Two has fallen so hard

On bare cold ground.

为何?

为何非掉眼泪不可？

i love the beach

aloha people, im back

i've been missing you people dearly

anyway i've been really restless the whole day today

because of some issue last night

and it disrupted my sleep a little

luckily i had class at 2 today

so i could sleep in a little

but still i cant seem to be able to get it out of my mind

sighh

im still so restless

what should i do??

SOH NINGXIN, SIO LENGHUE and CRYSTAL SONG

LOVES THE BEACH!

sigh

those days again

a sudden pain, a sudden tear

a sudden crack, and my heart breaks

:(

it's just one of those days again

even little joys wont fix it

fallen

i slipped and fell 

while walking down the stairs.

full stop.

end of story.

bye.

earthlings

here i sit in this planet far from earth..watching the little earthlings down on earth having fun..the view from here is not clear..i only get glimpse of what's happening down there..the little earthlings are down there having fun while i sit here in this unknown planet with unknown people..they are friendly, they are nice..but i cant seem to accept them just yet..im an earthling..different from them in many ways..it's hard for me to accept them just like that..

life up here is nice..but without my earthlings..nice doesnt seem to mean very much to me..i wonder if my little earthlings see me? do they stop to sit and watch me, who is way up high? i know some do..and im very thankful for that..one even sent me a random message..all the way down from earth..it touched my heart..

here i sit in this planet far from earth..watching the little earthlings down on earth having fun..the view from here is not clear..

my tears flow..how i miss my little earthlings no one will know..

out of sight, out of mind

do you know how it feels to be so left out?

to be isolated from the rest of the world?

out of sight, out of mind

that's what they say

will it really happen?

it's my 100th post 

and it had to be an emo one..

dont forget to smile

hmm..i've been here for 12 days already

and still i cry >.<

oh man

i miss home =(

i miss everyone back at malaysia

this place is great

but i think i'd rather be back home

home is where the heart is, no?

but i guess i have to get used to this

i need to be here for another 4 or 5 years

sigh

i guess i have to make the best of what i have now

but its hard

harder than i expected ><

i thought i would be strong enough to face this

looks like i just proved myself wrong

nevertheless there's nothing i can do

except to be stronger

i wouldn't want people i love to worry about me

that would be mean

so i will try my best to carry on

perhaps when classes start things will get better

i'll get busy and wont have much time to miss home

but i think a part of me wants to miss home

to make sure i dont forget any memories and anyone

that's all i guess

loves to everyone (:

emo

i am EMO~ >.<

because of three things

and i shall not get into the details

bye

hero to zero

Today was real bad

what do you do?

what do you do when things dont go your way?

i guess i'll have to be stronger than before..

my post is getting shorter and shorter..

please do forgive..

because there is absolutely nothing for me to update about..

except that mushrooms are growing on my head

-end of story-

not my day

Today is not my day =(

(updating for js)

sundays

sundays,

are sad days =(

double blue

once again..

i have drowned myself in my pool of thoughts..

it really kills..

and the feeling i has yesterday..

is getting stronger..

darn..haih..

perhaps it was just a lucky mistake?

maybe i was never meant to belong there..

i dont blame anyone but myself..

p/s: i dread bio >.<

random though if the day:

would you cry for me if i died?

song of the day:

周杰伦-最后的战役