inception

everything seems somewhat unrealistic, 

dream-like.

i woke up in the middle of the night pondering. 

this is a big step for me.

6.

1. no don't expect other people to solve my problems

2. shut up - talk less, work more

3. do not expect the whole world to care

4. control emotions - show appropriate emotions at appropriate times

5. be passionate and persistent 

6. repeat 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5

i need a technician

when a computer is corrupted with viruses

it needs to be reformatted.

simple.

but when people are corrupted,

there isn't a reformat button that we can just hit.

i've been infected

my system is has gone hay wire

im lost, sad, confused and lonely.

i need to be, reformatted. 

if only it were that simple.

stay sane crystal, just shut up & stay sane.

,

perhaps i've been too naive
or
perhaps i'm just being a sensitive fool.

life.

so today i watched snow white & the huntsman

i must say that it was better than i expected

but most importantly,

i think i feel somewhat inspired?

or i guess you could say that i've realized something?

anyway

i've got these principles of my own that i believe/follow strongly (i hope?)

even though i know clearly what these principles are in my head

i think it's time i wrote it down in pen & paper

just so that it seems more realistic?

or maybe it's just a way of ensuring i always bear them in mind

especially during the hard times.

so yeah

,

my ultimate principle in life is

to have a kind heart & treat people the way you want to be treated

i've always been really conscious of what people think of me

& it upsets me a lot to know that someone dislikes me

but i must to learn to accept the fact that i cannot please everyone

i shall be kind to every soul (may it be humans or animals) & treat them with respect

how they think of me is beyond my control 

accept it (or at least try to).

next,

don't trust everyone i know but still be kind to them

i've always had this thought that people are good at heart

& even in today's cruel world i still believe it

BUT

do not trust people 100% so quickly

i learnt that the hard way

do not trust so easily but treat people with respect 

& open up my heart to everyone

everyone deserves a chance, no?

thirdly,

love is patient and if love is true, it will always come back to you
i've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half year already
& most of the time, we're far apart.
i've been scared that i might stop loving him one day
or scared that i would fall for someone else while being apart from him
& when i go back end of the year
i always try to avoid getting an internship because i wanted to spend more time with him
but i guess,
if i really love him & if he really loves me
we would always find our way back
thus, i've decided to apply for an internship in singapore
this would be a really good experience for me
even though i'm still somewhat reluctant
i must have faith & trust that fate & love will bring us back
& hopefully in the future we will be able to be together
thus, i will have to be brave & do the thing i need to/want to do

oh, i've said so much
i really hope i can practise them everyday
i need to pull myself out of my dark hole that i've been living in
& live life happily
easier said than done though


also i really need to practise the following:

keep warm. eat healthy. be happy. do not envy.


life.

you don't know

it hurts me to know that you've decided to learn new things when i can't be by your side

it hurts me to know that you can still live life to the fullest while i'm missing you all the time

it hurts me to know that you don't miss me as much as i miss you

i'm just so hurt

&

you don't even have slightest clue.

i ___ you

i've had a full 9 hours of sleep

but i feel as if i've been awake the whole night.

i didn't cry

but my eyes feel so sore as if they're cried the whole night long

my body is fine

but my mind feels as if it's going to break down anytime

im confused

but at the same time i feel i know where i am

i've only lived 20 years of my life

but it feels as if i've lived for a thousand years

i love you

but i hate you at the same time.

athazagoraphobic

so tell me what to do

when,

my friends decide not to group with me because i suck at pool

my boyfriend is crazier over a korean idol singer than he is over me

my sister and her boyfriend are an eyesore to watch

&

my father says that i'm the forgotten child in the family

,

sigh.

suddenly, i feel as if i don't know anymore.